My apologies to the UK Border Agency for what I thought...

I am a remarkably non-descript 60-something. Average height, grey hair, slightly portly - although my friends might say that this is a little unfair to me - certainly of a far from dynamic appearance.

You might therefore have some sympathy for my recent experience at Stansted Airport. After a lengthy walk through a zigzag of tape - intended (presumably) to slow down the rush of perhaps a hundred people to a manageable pace - I was confronted by an official who looked at me, then my passport; the one that I have been using for several trips during the past four years and have never had any problems with at all. Ever.

This official then ordered me (there is no other word for it) to remove my spectacles before taking an even longer look at me and the document presented to him in the prescribed manner - I.e. not still in its outer holder. He then took an eyeglass to the document, apparently checking the authenticity of some of the security marks, before finally accepting that both I and the passport were legitimate.

Ah! I hear you cry. Your earlier comment about the lengthy and unnecessary walk towards the check point might have caused you to be rude and bring about his officiousness. Well, for once, I was under total control. We had had a good holiday visiting a daughter in Italy and a surprisingly good flight (given that it was Ryanair) back, so I was perfectly willing to let this minor inconvenience go. Particularly since in busy times (which this wasn't) it would have been essential to slow the pace of visitors.

Of course, some younger people had been ducking under the tape that makes up the zigzag and thereby upsetting one of the other immigration officials, but I am hardly of the age or physique to do so myself.

In my mind, I put his behaviour down to simple rudeness by the official - perhaps even him wanting to get his own back for the 1% pay increase limit that was included in the first Conservative budget.

Arriving home, I noticed that the passport was almost due for renewal, so I went to a local shop to have a new photograph done, to go with the super new online renewal facility. (No joke, it really does seem to work well - provided the new passport arrives, of course.)

Shock horror. The face looking back at me from the correctly sized, professionally taken photos (six for £4.99, which seemed most reasonable, as I can use the others for my driving licence when it is due) was so much older than me. And far less cheerful than the previous version. Still recognisably the same chap, clearly, from the fact that I have never before experienced any problems using it.

But, frankly, I wouldn't buy a used car from the chap I was now looking at.

So, on balance, I wonder whether the Immigration Officer might not have had a point after all. Perhaps I do look like an interloper with questionable documents. Glad I didn't say anything rude at the time, now.

---

Stephen Phillips is a member of the Shepway Liberal Democrats, and his views are not necessarily those of the Party. He has been writing professionally for many years on investment and economic related issues, and has focussed recently on creative writing.

You can find Stephen online at www.phillips-writer.co.uk